Roid Rage II or The World Doesn't Revolve Around Me

So I got those blessed sleeping pills. And slept. It was delightful.

Then one day something happened at work that upset me. By the end of the day I was obsessing about it. I was now on prednisone 4 times a day and man was it affecting me! By the time I got home, I was pacing, and complaining and then crying. Ernest couldn 't console me. Then between the crying I started hyper-ventilating. I really scared Ernest. And me. Ernest tried calling the Dr. (now that he had mastered calling the Dr. after hours--see "Roid Rage #1.") Dr. B. eventually called me and I wouldn't talk to him. I was having a "Dr. Free Day." If I couldn't control anything else--like my health--I could at least control who I talked to.

But Dr. B. was concerned and wouldn't give up and I eventually e-mailed him because I didn't think I could talk to him without crying. And because now at work I was at my busiest point of the whole year. And couldn't afford to lose it at work. He left me several messages on voice mail and e-mail and was clearly not giving up. So the next day I did talk to him when he called from NYC. I apologized for being a difficult patient and he talked and asked some questions making sure I wasn't really losing it. (Brain Dr.s don't like their patients going crazy). I admitted I was embarrassed (and scared) at how I totally lost control of myself. He suggested I be put on an anti-anxiety med. I reminded him I already was on one! He told me to double the dose. Then he prescribed xanax as well. With the suggestion that when I started to feel panicked like I did the day before, I take one or two and "chill." So that was my diagnosis--a panic attack. And then Dr. B. and I talked about our work and our personal lives and how insensitive people can be. And he told me that my "problem" was that I was too intelligent. That I can see all sides of a situation (and thus all sides of my several diagnoses). And then I worry.

Now for one thing, I do like when your brain Dr. tells you you are intelligent. That's like an official diagnosis isn't it? I mean the man specializes in brains, he should know!

And then the rest of the story about what upset me is that it occurred to me (after the panic attack) that the world doesn't revolve around me! Big surprise. But really for the immediate few weeks before (and actually going back to November when I injured myself) I had been totally involved in my own health problems. This particular day reminded me that the world still is going on around me, and any new problems or difficulties in life, I am going to have to factor in and assimilate into life, which includes my health problems. That however good or bad I feel, MS is gonna be with me and all the other crap in life still is there too!