The Blues

I haven't posted in awhile. And no one seems to miss me! (Except you Faith, thanks!)

I haven't felt too creative or interesting. I think I'm just feeling blue. I'm off work for the month of July and was really in denial, or at least very good at compartmentalizing things, until this month. I knew I was going to have to really delve into this diagnosis this month. While I had time to, without having to be "up" at work.

I have been having a tougher time with flu-ish reactions to my Friday interferon injections. Fevers and non-stop headaches and tiredness. And I'm already tired of giving in to being tired! Which is what I have to do with MS. I'm not that kind of person to just give in to a weakness!

Then co-workers were difficult at work. People who have been recently informed of my diagnosis and still are happy being disagreeable (and gleeful and gossipy and petty) about something they think I handled inappropriately. I, of course, disagree with them, but even if I was wrong--they can't be supportive and give me the benefit of the doubt, knowing what a hellashis few months I've had? Apparently not.

And then the husband has been grouchy too. Even though he recently referred to me to friends as "superwoman." Which is a good and bad thing. It's a nice reflection on my ability to handle all this, but it also implies that I CAN handle all this with my superwoman strength and x-ray vision. Like I don't need his support. Which is wrong, wrong, wrong. Yet I also know I can't burden him with all my fears and weaknesses.

It occurs to me that even surrounded by friends and family, I'm really all alone in this! And obviously not doing well with it right now. And there's still all those darn medical bills to pay off and no spare money so of course, no summer vacation for us (and because husband was out of work 6 months last year, there was no vacation then either).

No tropical escape for me! It will remain my running fantasy. You see why I haven't posted. No great philosophical words here, just whining...

And for good measure, my hair is falling out.