Aside from the unknowns of this disease, and the fact that I HAVE AN INCURABLE DISEASE, what really bothers me about this diagnosis:
My brain is affected. I have sclera or lesions IN MY BRAIN. I haven't seen the films yet, but Dr. B told me he'd show them to me anytime. I just couldn't deal with seeing bad news before my surgery. I couldn't go under anesthesia worrying about more than my back. Now I'm ready. But it is unnerving to know, to really know you have something wrong in your brain. It struck me this morning when I was hearing about Senator Kennedy.
Your essence, your soul, everything that makes you "you" is in your brain. You can have a limb amputated and still be "you." But to have something wrong with you brain can change who you are and how you think, and how you function. There's the chance I might not be me anymore....
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2 comments:
Having trouble posting my comments, but so glad to hear from you! Different diagnosis, but many same experiences (I had a minor meltdown in the dentist office for my pre- op appointment, too).
I will be keeping tabs on your blog, and praying for you (and all the other people on my "sick list" everyday.
So great to hear about your miraculous mis- diagnosis! I feel the same way about my own- the doctors had told me the cancer would probably be in my lymph nodes, and I had prepared for the worst, but after the surgery they said all 4 lymph nodes were clear! It truly felt like a gift.
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