What Really Bothers Me About THE Diagnosis

Aside from the unknowns of this disease, and the fact that I HAVE AN INCURABLE DISEASE, what really bothers me about this diagnosis:

My brain is affected. I have sclera or lesions IN MY BRAIN. I haven't seen the films yet, but Dr. B told me he'd show them to me anytime. I just couldn't deal with seeing bad news before my surgery. I couldn't go under anesthesia worrying about more than my back. Now I'm ready. But it is unnerving to know, to really know you have something wrong in your brain. It struck me this morning when I was hearing about Senator Kennedy.

Your essence, your soul, everything that makes you "you" is in your brain. You can have a limb amputated and still be "you." But to have something wrong with you brain can change who you are and how you think, and how you function. There's the chance I might not be me anymore....

Of All the Gin Joints In All the World....

He walked into mine.

Call it coincidence, call it synchronicity, call it Divine Intervention...I'm still agog (and thankful!) that Dr. B. WALKED INTO MY OFFICE. A head doctor at Methodist, a Neurosurgeon, a teacher, a researcher, an incredible diagnostician...someone who overheard me talking about my herniated disk--and chose to ask questions and volunteer a second opinion. I don't even want to think about where I'd be medically if he hadn't literally appeared on my doorstep. We both agreed that he was MEANT to walk into my office. He was the 4th doctor I saw and the first and only one who saw the signs of MS.

He and his office staff have babied me, nursed me, held my hand and led the way through my medical maze and they cared about me. The Orthopedist I saw hasn't yet called me to see why I haven't come back.

Three Months In

I'm 3 months into my MS diagnosis, and today, exactly 8 weeks post-0p.

AND I FEEL GREAT!

I will never again under-appreciate feeling "normal." But right now I feel better than that! It's amazing what having all those medications OUT of your system can do. I'm only on a couple now, my pre-diagnosis, kinda- menopause-related anti-anxiety med. Lexapro. Prescription Ibuprofin (800 mg) which is helping avoid aches and pains from my physical therapy, and my weekly shot of Avonex.

That, and beautiful, freakishly gorgeous, cool Houston weather has made all right with my world! I slept with the bedroom windows open last night and awoke with the cool breeze and the chirping of birds. Lovely.

And note to Rick: I'm happy! Although I'd still like to figure out how to get to a tropical isle! I fear I have many medical bills to pay first!

So What Now?

Now I'm continuing my physical therapy (for both the back and the MS). I apparently am a star student. I'm "advanced" for a back patient. I've been working on stretching exercises. I do them every day and walk at least a mile every day (two on the weekends). Next up is strength exercise, weights and machines.

With regard to the MS: I take my Avonex shot every Friday night. And follow that with a sleeping pill (to sleep through any side affects). I used to have Mexican food and margaritas every friday!

I'm trying to follow a low-fat/no-fat diet. Some days are better than others! There's a Swank Diet that some think helps with MS. It can't hurt. I'm also taking a bunch of vitamins each day--a woman's vitamin, extra calcium, omega oils, primrose oil and "eye vitamins" because macular degeneration runs in the women in my family.

I also either drink cranberry juice or take cranberry pills each day to help with bladder infections which are also common in MS.

Bits & Pieces

A couple of things I remember:

I waited an hour (or less--time is relative when you are waiting for surgery!) lying on a gurney outside the OR. People came by to verify who I was, introduce themselves. and to do various procedures (like starting I.V.s). At some point I decided I needed to use the restroom and I was parked right in front of it. So a nurse put booties on my feet, helped me up and as I clutched the back of that hospital gown, she carried my IVs. She hung them on that handy hook in the bathroom stall (and ladies you thought that was for purses!)

When I came back to my gurney I noticed all the activity had begun in my OR. The door would open every now and then and I could see them draping the table, and bringing instruments in. I didn't want to think about it, but I also was curious. All of a sudden I was wheeled into the OR. I remember taking a deep breath (of that rarified air!) and being in the bright lights. I thought, okay, I'm going to turn my head and look at the table and check things out. And the next thing I knew I was being awakened in Recovery. When I later complained to Dr. B., he laughed and said, "Yeah, we slipped you a margarita!" But it is so weird to have such an incomplete memory.

Open Wide

My blog really began with talk of my surgery--not the MS I promised. And now we are about full circle, completing the surgical story.

But before I had surgery, I had to go to the dentist. Since I was going to have 6-8 hour surgery I was having serious anesthesia and would be intubated. And I realized I had a loose crown. Necessitating a dental visit. But a. My dentist retired and b. I didn't have a new dentist and c. It had been awhile since I'd seen one. I was soooooo stressed out. Ernest called his dentist and explained the circumstances and they agreed to see me.

I made Ernest come in the examining room with me. The dentist was very nice, especially as I sat in the chair and cried. Did I mention I was still on major steroids? Which contributed to the dental situation as they wouldn't be able to do any real procedures unless I was put on major antibiotics (prednisone causes damage to you immune system). I told the dentist I just needed to be duct-taped together for surgery. Glue my crown back on. And don't tell me if I have any other dental problems because I can't handle ANOTHER diagnosis! And I told him he couldn't give any "knowing" looks to his dental asst. Because I had already been there with my neurosurgeon! I know those knowing looks mean something serious!

Dr. V. was soooo understanding and didn't laugh his head off at me. He examined me and told me the things I DIDN'T HAVE (no cancer, no cavities, no gum disease) And then he told me he wouldn't even write on my chart until he was out of my eyesite. I love how he and his asst. played along with my insanity. There were lots of sympathetic smiles and pats on my shoulder. I got the darn crown glued on and promised a return visit when I was sane.